SEX
A
little kid walks in on his parents having sex. He says, "What
are yall doing?"
His
mom says, "Well I was just letting the air out of your dad,
he is to fat."
The
kid says,"Why the lady next door is just going to blow him
up again!"
A
little girl runs out to the backyard where her father is working,
and asks him, "Daddy, what's sex?"
Her
father sits her down, and tells her all about the birds and the
bees. He tells her about conception, sexual intercourse, sperms
and eggs. He goes on to tell her about puberty, menstruation,
erections, wet-dreams...and he thinks, what the hell, and goes
on to tell her the works.
He
covers a wide and varied assortment of sub topics and by the time
he's finished, his daughter is somewhat awestruck with this sudden
influx of bizarre new knowledge. Her father finally asks: "So
what did you want to know about sex for?"
"Oh,
mommy said to tell you lunch would be ready in a couple of secs..."
There
was a guy who got in an elevator with very large man. The large
man said, "I'm 7 feet 3 inches, 350 pounds, with a 20 inch
penis, a right nut of 3 pounds and a left nut of 3 pounds. Turner
Brown."
All
of a sudden the little guy fainted. When he was awake again he
asked "What did you say?"
The
guy repeated, "7-3, 350 pounds, 20 inch penis, right nut
3 pounds, left nut 3 pounds. Turner Brown."
"Oh,"
said the little guy, "I thought you said turn around!"
An
old man and an old lady are getting ready for bed one night when
all of a sudden the woman bursts out of the bathroom, flings open
her robe and yells: "Super Pussy!"
The
old man says: "I'll have the soup."
A
man and his wife have been stranded on a deserted island for many
years. One day another man washes up on shore. He and the wife
are very attracted to each other right away, but realize certain
protocols must be observed.
The
husband, however, is very glad to see the second man there. "Now
we will be able to have three people doing eight hour shifts in
the watchtower, rather than two people doing 12-hour shifts."
The
new man is only too happy to help and in fact volunteers to do
the first shift. He climbs up the tower and is soon standing watch.
Soon the husband and wife start placing stones in a circle to
make a fire to cook supper. The second man yells down, "Hey,
no fucking!"
They
yell back, "We're not fucking!" A few minutes later
they start to put driftwood into the stone circle. Again the second
man yells down, "Hey, no fucking!" Again they yell back,
"We're not fucking!" Later they are putting palm leaves
on the roof of their shack to patch leaks. Once again the second
man yells down, "Hey, I said no fucking!" They yell
back, "We're not fucking!!"
Finally
the shift is over so the second man climbs down from the tower
and the husband starts to climb up. He's not even halfway up before
the wife and second man are screwing each other's brains out.
The husband looks out from the tower and says, "Son-of-a-gun.
From up here it DOES look like they're fucking."
What's
the difference between condoms and coffins?
They
both hold something stiff but one's coming and one's going!
A
man and a woman started to have sex in the middle of a dark forest.
After
15 minutes of this, the man finally gets up and says, "Damn,
I wish I had a flashlight."
The
woman says, "So do I. You've been eating grass for the past
ten minutes!"
There
are three dogs all in the pound. The first dog turns to the second
dog and asks, "What are you in for?"
The
dog replies, "Well my master said that if I keep chewing
up the newspaper he will put me to sleep. I kept chewing them
and today I'm getting put to sleep."
The
other dogs start to comfort him. The second dog turns to the third
dog and asks him the same question. The dog saddly replies, "Well
my master said that if I kept drinking out of the toilet I would
get put to sleep. And here I am about to get put to sleep."
The
other dogs start to comfort him too. Then the second and third
dog turn to the first dog and ask him. The dog says, "When
my master got out of the shower her towel fell off of her, and
when she bent over I just couldn't help myself and started to
fuck her up the ass."
The
dogs were like, "Oh, we understand why your getting put to
sleep."
The
first dog turns around and says, "I'm not here to get put
to sleep, I'm here to get my nails trimmed!!!!!!
At
a medical convention, a male and female doctor start eyeing each
other. The male doctor asks her to dinner and she accepts.
As
they sit down at the restaurant, she excuses herself to go and
wash her hands. After dinner, one thing leads to another and they
end up in her hotel bedroom.
Just
as things get hot, the female doctor interrupts and says she has
to go in and wash her hands. Once she comes back, they go for
it.
After
the sexual interlude, she gets up and says she is going to wash
her hands.
When
she comes back the male doctor says, "I bet you are a surgeon."
She
confirms and asks how he knew.
"Easy,
you're always washing your hands." She then says, "I'll
bet your an anesthesiologist."
Male
Doctor, "Wow, how did you guess?"
Female
Doctor, "I didn't feel a thing."
If you wish
to submit any good SEX JOKES, please email me at:
[email protected]
