MARRIAGE
A
husband is at home watching a football game when his wife interrupts,"
Honey, could you fix the light in the hallway? It's been flickering
for weeks now." He looks at her and says angrily, "Fix
the light. Does it look like I have G.E. written on my forehead?
I don't think so."
"Well
then, could you fix the fridge door? It won't close right."
To which he replied, "Fix the fridge door. Does it look like
I have Westinghouse written on my forehead? I don't think so".
"Fine,"
she says, "then could you at least fix the steps to the front
door? They're about to break." "Fix the steps,"
he says. "Does it look like I have Ace Hardware written on
my forehead? I don't think so. I've had enough of you. I'm going
to the bar!!!"
So
he goes to the bar and drinks for about an hour. He starts to
feel guilty about he treated his wife, and decides to go home
and help out. As he walks into the house, he notices the steps
are already fixed. As he enters the house, he sees the hall light
is working. As he goes to get a beer, he notices the fridge door
is fixed.
"Honey,
how'd this all get fixed?" She said, "Well, when you
left, I sat outside and cried. Just then a nice young man asked
me what was wrong, and I told him. He offered to so all the repairs,
and all I had to do was either screw him or bake him a cake."
He
said, "So, what kind of cake did you bake him?" She
said,"Bake a cake. Does it look like I have Sara Lee written
on my forehead? I don't think so."
An
old couple go to a doctor and ask him to watch them have sex and
tell if he see's them doing anything wrong. So they have sex.
While they are getting dressed the doctor said, "Well I don't
see anything wrong!" A week later they come again and ask
the doctor to watch to see if they are doing anything wrong. They
have sex and the doctor says, "Well again I don't see anything
wrong."
This
goes on for weeks. Then the doctor asks why they keep coming.
The guy said: "If we go to her house her husband will catch
us. If we go to my house my wife will catch us. A hotel costs
fifty bucks. Here it's thirty-five dollars and medicare pays half!"
One
day a kid went to school and the teacher said, "For homework,
I want you to find out the difference between 'hypothetically'
and 'realistically'." So the kid went home and asked his
father, "Dad, what's the difference between 'hypothetically'
and 'realistically'?"
His
father replied, "Ask you mother if she'd sleep with somebody
for a million dollars." The son sort of looked at his father
funny, but proceeded. "Mom, would you sleep with someone
for a million dollars?" The mother replied, "Well son,
that is quite a large sum of money...I think I would." So
the son went back to his father and said, "Dad, Mom said
she would do it, but I just don't understand, what does that have
to do with 'hypothetically' and 'realistically'?"
The
father replied, "Don't worry about it, just ask your sister
if she'd do it." Reluctantly the boy went and asked his sister.
She replied, "A million dollars? OF COURSE I WOULD DO IT!!"
So,
the boy returned once again to his father saying, "Dad, she
said she'd do it too, but I still don't understand, what does
that have to do with 'hypothetically' and 'realistically'?"
The father replied, "Well son, HYPOTHETICALLY we're sitting
on two million dollars, REALISTICALLY, we're living with a couple
of whores!"
A
man came home from work one day and gave his wife a dozen yellow
roses.
The
next day, his wife was hanging clothes in the back yard talking
to the neighboring lady over the fence.
"Yesterday",
she says, "the ol' man gave me a dozen yellow roses, and
now I suppose he expects me to lay on my back with my legs in
the air for a week!"
"Why?"
replied the neighbor, "don't you have a vase?"
There
were three guys that died and went to heaven.
The
first went up and then God said, "You have committed adultery
so you shall own a bike."
The
second guy comes up and God says, "You have almost committed
adultery so you shall own a motorcycle."
The
third guy goes up and then God says, "You have only thought
about adultrey so you shall get a Porche!"
The
first guy comes up to the man in the Porche and starts laughing
and the man in the Porche asks, "Why are you laughing? You
only got a bike!"
The
guy on the bike says, "I just saw your wife on a skateboard!"
If you wish
to submit any good MARRIAGE JOKES, please email me at:
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