LAWYERS
A
little old lady went into the Bank one day, carrying a bag of
money. She asked to speak with the bank president to open an account
because, "It's a lot of money!" The reluctant staff
finally ushered her into his office. The bank president then asked
her how much she would like to deposit. She replied, "$165,000!"
and dumped the cash on his desk.
The
president was of course curious as to how she came by all this
cash, so he asked her, "Ma'am, where did you get this money?"
The old lady replied, "I make bets."
The
president then asked, "Bets? What kind of bets?" The
old woman said, "Well, for example, I'll bet you $25,000
that your balls are square." "Ha!" laughed the
president, "That's a stupid bet. You can never win that kind
of bet!" The old lady challenged, "So, would you like
to take my bet?" "Sure," said the president, "I'll
bet $25,000 that my balls are not square!"
The
old lady said, "Okay, but since there is a lot of money involved,
may I bring my lawyer with me tomorrow at 10:00 am as a witness?"
"Sure!" replied the confident president. That night,
he was very nervous about the bet and often checked his balls
in the mirror.
The
next morning, at precisely 10:00 am, the little old lady appeared
with her lawyer at the president's office. She introduced the
lawyer to the president and repeated the bet: "$25,000 says
the president's balls are square!" The president agreed with
the bet again and the old lady asked him to drop his pants so
they could all see. The president complied.
The
little old lady peered closely at his balls and then asked if
she could feel them. "Well, Okay," said the president,
"$25,000 is a lot of money, so I guess you should be absolutely
sure." Just then, he noticed that the lawyer was quietly
banging his head against the wall. The president said, "What
wrong with your lawyer?"
She
replied, "Nothing, except I bet him $100,000 that at 10:00
am today, I'd have the Bank president's balls in my hand!"
There
was a looser who couldn't get a date. He went to a bar and asked
this one guy how to get a date. The guy said, "It's simple.
I just say, I'm a lawyer."
So
the guy went up to a pretty woman and asked her out. After she
said no, he told her that it was probably a good thing because
he had a case early in the morning.
She
said, "Oh!!!! Your a lawyer?" He said why yes I am,
so they went to his place and when they were in bed, screwing,
he started to laugh to himself.
When
she asked what was so funny, he answered,"Well, I've only
been a lawyer for 15 minutes, and I'm already fucking someone!"
NASA
was interviewing professionals to be sent to Mars. Only one could
go, and he couldn't return to Earth.
The
first applicant, an engineer, was asked how much he wanted to
be paid for going. "A million dollars," he answered,
"because I want to donate it to M.I.T."
The
next applicant, a doctor, was asked the same question. He asked
for two million dollars. "I want to give a million to my
family", he explained, "and leave the other million
for the advancement of medical research."
The
last applicant was a lawyer. When asked how much money he wanted,
he whispered in the interviewer's ear, "Three million dollars."
"Why
so much more than the others?" the interviewer asked.
The
lawyer replied, "If you give me $3 million, I'll give you
$1 million, I'll keep $1 million, and we'll send the engineer."
Two
lawyers are walking along the beach.
When
one spies two beautiful young ladies, he whispers to his associate,
"Lets go and screw those two beautiful girls!"
"Out
of what?", retorts the second lawyer!
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