BLONDES
A
blonde goes into a worldwide message center to send a message
to her mother in Poland. When the man tells her that it will cost
her $300, she exclaims,"I don't have any money... but I'll
do anything to get a message to my mother in Poland!!!"
To
that the man asks, "Anything?"
And
the blonde says, "Yes.... ANYTHING!!" With that the
man says, "Follow me!"
He
walks into the next room and tells her, "Come in and close
the door."
She
does this and then he says, "Get on your knees."She
does. He then says, "Take down my zipper." She does.Then
he says, "Go ahead, take it out."
With
that, she takes it out and holds it with both hands. And then
the man says somewhat impatiently, "Well, go ahead!!"
She
then brings her mouth closer to it, and while holding it very
closely to her lips, she says, "HELLO, MOM?"
A
blonde was complaining to her friend about constantly being called
a dumb blonde. Her friend tells her, "Go do something to
prove them wrong! Why don't you learn all the state capitals or
something?"
The
blonde thinks this is a great idea, and locks herself up for two
weeks studying. The next party she goes to, some guy is making
dumb blonde comments to her. She gets all indignant and claims,
"I'm NOT a dumb blonde. In fact, I can name ALL the state
capitals!"
The
guy doesn't believe her, so she dares him to test her. He says
"Okay, what's the capital of Montana?"
The
blonde tosses her hair in triumph and says, "That's easy!
It's M!"
One
day, a blonde who lived on the 12th floor of a high-rise apartment
building was out on her balcony, flapping the bedsheets to air
them out, when suddenly a great gust of wind caught the sheets
and sent her over the edge, plummeting to her death.. "Oh,
shit!" the woman thought, "what a stupid way to die."
Without
warning, a man on the 10th floor balcony stuck his arms out into
the air, catching the woman. Delirious from shock, the woman shouted
"Oh, thank you! You saved my life, thank you!"
The
man replied "Do you suck?" Stunned at this, the woman
said "No, I don't suck!"
And
with that, the man let go of her in the air. "Shit!"
the woman thought as she began to plummet again. Suddenly, another
set of man's arms grabbed her on the 9th floor.
"Thank
God!" she screamed. " I would have died except that!"
The man asked "Do you fuck?" Absolutely aghast at the
question, the woman answered "No, I don't fuck!"
Once
again, the arms that held her safe were no longer there. Falling
again, the woman thought that she would surely die. Just then,
a set of arms stretched out from the 7th floor. Not believing
her luck, the woman shouted "I suck! I fuck!"
"Slut..."
the man said....and dropped her.
A
blonde walks past three men in the office who are all bemoaning
the fact that they are about to be audited during the coming month.
Says
the first guy with a groan, "I'm screwed!"
"I'm
screwed, too!" says the other guy, slapping his forehead.
"Guys,
I am about to be fucked beyond all recognition by this audit!"
exclaims the third guy in anguish.
Just
then, one of the guys notices the blonde who has been standing
there listening. She now has a very thoughtful look on her face.
"Are you OK?" asks the guy.
"Yes,"
replies the blond, "but I was wondering: how do I go about
getting audited?"
She
was so blonde:
*
she spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice box because it
said "concentrate!"
*
she put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up
her mind!
*
she told me to meet her at the corner of "WALK" and
"DON'T WALK"!
*
she thought 2Pac Shakur was a Jewish holiday!
*
she sent me a fax with a stamp on it!
*
she tried to drown a fish!
*
she thought a quarterback was a refund!
*
she tripped over a cordless phone!
*
she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept!
*
at the bottom of the application where it says "sign here,"
she put "Sagittarius"!
*
when she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she
moved!
If you wish
to submit any good MARRIAGE JOKES, please email me at:
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